French Children Don't Throw Food: The hilarious NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER changing parents’ lives

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Dem kann ich in einigen Punkten nicht zustimmen, denn eigentlich ist das kein Erziehungsratgeber, die Autorin berichtet in einer Mischung aus persönlichen Anekdoten und wissenschaftlichen Forschungsergebnissen davon, wie unterschiedlich Kindererziehung in Frankreich und Amerika gehandhabt wird. Wer sich aber tatsächliche Erziehungstipps erwartet, wird sie in diesem Roman nicht finden, es gibt zwar schon einige Punkte, in denen recht konkret beschrieben wird, wie französische Familien mit Erziehungsfragen umgehen, der Großteil bleibt aber vage. Well it appealed to me because my DH and I are an Anglo-American couple (like the writer and her husband), who've lived in both the US and the UK and I've often wondered whether there is a better way to approach certain aspects of child-rearing. So to get a different perspective and understand how another nation does things was interesting. When doing her research on French parenting, she observes how French moms behave around their children and also interviews experts on the topic. The results of her observations and study are really interesting and truthfully have helped me so much on my motherhood journey. I found the author and I were equally surprised at some French attitudes / practices but that she has come to embrace many of them. I wonder how I will view this book, and French parenting, in a few years' time -esp as my husband is French (and thus, his family here) which could bring some expectations for ways of doing things different from what I'm used to (as a Kiwi). However, this does not mean they are not under pressure. They may accept the pressures of their society, which are very different from ours, but that is not the same as not feeling them. For example, weight control is a national obsession among the French. Not having regained your figure three months after giving birth is considered shameful. Literally. French husbands, doctors, relatives, friends, all feel that a woman who has not lost her pregnancy weight by three months is failing her duty as a wife and woman and will tell her so.

While I had the underlying thought that maybe it wouldn't be fun, it conflicted with the idea of, "Well, maybe it *could* be. I mean, it can't all be bad." And what the author describes as the "French" method of parenting is pretty much word for word how I always thought I would be as a parent, particularly when discussing the magic of the word "no." I just never got that. I never understood why parents act as though seeing their kids cry for the stupidest reasons was going to break them psychologically. Granted, I have the benefit of working with toddlers and preschoolers, so I've seen tantrums over everything under the sun, which has given me the benefit of some practice/foresight. In that sense, this book is a great resource to sort of get your head in the game before the newbie gets here; make some loose decisions about what you're going to do beforehand and the it's easier to follow through. I was at an English friend's house and her six-year-old son was thumping the piano as we were trying to speak. His mother said 'yes that's lovely, but not so loud'. He just carried on. I said to myself if this was France the child would have been hauled off to another part of the room and made to stop. British parental culture is very relaxed, while we terrorise our children." Even still, it was BORING. I cannot buy into the fact that EVERY French child is raised exactly the same, and that EVERY French child turns out well behaved. Next, they project these expectations onto their children. Their approach is something along the lines that if you give hungry children good food they will eat it. So the DCs are exposed to high-quality, adult food from an early age. I guess the DCs develop a taste for whatever happens to be available, in the same way that Indian children develop a taste for spicy food.The reason I decided to read this book is based, in large part, on my own fear of parenthood. In a recent discussion with my mother she was horrified to learn that I had lived most of my life with a fear of having children. I had heard over and over that having a child meant the end of your life as you know it (and of course, to a degree that is true). This fear even carried over when one of my best friends announced she was pregnant. I had heard for years that having children meant you stopped being you, and started being a mother. You stopped having friends, because you didn't have time to do or be anything other than a mother. You lost the intimacy with your partner. You ceased to be an individual and became an ideal. And, if you decided to have a life away from your children you were selfish, you weren't living your life with your children as the center of your universe. Wave goodbye to sleep, you won't do it for a few years. Tantrums at any given time? Perfectly normal, no matter how embarrassing.

Lise Fuccellaro, mother of four children aged eight, 12, 14 and 16, lived in England for seven years before returning to the Paris region. I read it whilst on holiday in France last summer, and staying with various French friends who have small children. I loved seeing their faces when I read snippets of it to them – they varied from horror to amusement to utter disbelief. Some have complained that the author's comments are observational, not scientific. True. But that makes her observations and comments no less valid; or, even, less true. Research led me to resolve that I had somehow absorbed what Judith Warner calls “total-reality motherhood”. In other words, it’s the cultural notion that motherhood is supposed to constitute your entire life’s work, with all other aspects of your identity sacrificed on the altar of 360-degree parenting. It seems this pernicious ideology began in the 1990s but reached fever pitch at the turn of the millennium. These days it afflicts my generation through bastardised, social media filtered versions of attachment theory and gentle parenting philosophies. To quote one article: “Now mothers were always to be ‘on’, engaged in relationships with their children that were at once kinesthetic, tirelessly management oriented, and unrelenting in their emotional solicitations.” The criticism of American nuttiness when it comes to overachievement and obsessive micro-parenting is important. Does it seem funny that a home school mom would be critical of "helicopter parents"? It might. But maybe not if you watched our day. My children tend to work independently. I give the lesson and walk away. I don't hover. I don't follow them at the park narrating their play. In fact, if they come over to my bench my reaction tends to be, depending upon my mood, mildly dismissive to openly hostile. Park time is for them to go play away from me and for me to sit and read without interruption. I agree with those in the book who think parents spend too much time organizing and interfering in their children's minute to minute existence while somehow remaining tremendously aloof from what their children are being taught in school.

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But that's the thing—this modern version of American parenting? ATTACHMENT parenting, as they call it? It's the antithesis of the way the French do it and, I believe, the way Americans USED to parent, 30 to 40 years ago. (In short, I think it's all a bit nutty). Of course both existing family members and new ones have to adapt to one another, so for example we now have dinner at 7.30 rather than 9 because DS (2) would be too tired by then. But we offer him the same quality food and interaction as we offer one another: for example, even when he had to have baby food, I would not offer him anything I was not prepared to eat myself. If DH is not tired and wants to read, he does, so if DS one night is less tired and wants to read a bit longer, we read a bit longer, etc.. OOH LOOK, WE'RE IN THE STORE! HERE WE ARE IN THE STORE! DO YOU SEE THE SHELF? THAT'S THE SHELF! THE SHELF HAS BOOKS ON IT! MOMMY HAS TO GO TO THE COUNTER! MOMMY NEEDS TO RETURN A BOOK, WHEN WE DON'T WANT BOOKS ANY MORE WE RETURN THEM!" The book digresses quite a lot about the author's life, which I found a bit boring and off-topic, but the observations and comparisons are very interesting. There have been strong reactions already but this book is not about the top ten things you must do to raise a well-behaved child. It's about a whole different way of looking at children and your relationship to them and your role as a parent. I hope people will find that interesting and compelling."

I am a Brit, married to a Frenchman and I have two half British/half French daughters, we spent the first 3.5 years of our eldest daughter’s life in France and have been in the UK for the last nearly 3 years. In total I lived in France for 13 years and I have lived in the UK for 24 years. I should also point out that I never lived as an expat in France; I have a degree in French, I am bilingual, the majority of my friends in France are French and I had a French boyfriend for 3 years before meeting my husband of 10 years (both of which came with a French family that I became part of).

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What is also surprising is that for a book whose title and cover give the appearance of being a light hearted frolic through the streets of Paris this is actually a thoroughly researched book that covers a range of parenting topics from basic nutrition to Rousseau to "poop sausage". Which, frankly, is a progression that makes perfect sense to me. I've purposefully shied away from so many parenting books on the bookstore shelves these days. It seems like most of those geared toward pregnancy put you in a mild panic about all the things that could go wrong. And the rest? They induce a sense of fear, guilt and inferiority that, book lover though I am, I don't want to gravitate toward as I enjoy this stress-free pregnancy of mine.